"Men are dirty aren't they? Don't you find comfort in retreating back to your own gender?"
I glanced back up at Sasha for a moment because I wanted to see the look in her eyes that were blue as the frail soda can she held, the moment she had said that. My cousin by a failed marriage, but I still considered her family never the less. She seemed to be the only girl in the family that I could be in the same room with for days at a time. Even for being a petite girl her structure and features were strong on her own. Sometimes I wondered if she was going through that phase, she didn't have a boyfriend or was interested in men in the least, although I didn't think girls were her taste either. I never minded when she would stay a few days to "get away" as she referred to it. The apartment was more than vast enough, frequently at times I would find myself feeling lonely. Leaning back against the bottom of the bed as we sat on the floor, the familiar feeling of her shoulder touching against mine felt smooth and cool. Her blue black pixie cut hair stood in wild upward thrusts like fire, which smelled faintly of french milled soap, and the cool scent of baby powder lingered on her skin. It was a much more delicate and pleasing scent then the musky scent of a man's body heat and colonge mingled together lingering on my skin an hour ago. Her sensitivity to the scent was more then obvious by the odd look she gave me when walked into my bedroom which of course she liked the lounge around in while I was gone, I didn't care. I suppose it was a great relief to shower and regain my own light sweet scent. Summer nights like these were made for talking and comfort. She left the window opened while I was gone, the sugary scent of honey suckles lingering in the room, even the sheets smelled faintly of the flower. Setting her soda can down the hollow sound reverberated through out the room, a small sigh escaped her lips. Turning to her I watched the neon blue glow of the television spilling across her face causing her skin to glow.
"So, how did everything go tonight?" She spoke, referring to my date with Eric.
"It was alright I guess." The instantaneous flash back I had was nothing more then laying on my back gazing at the ceiling as he loomed over me. The only distinction I could remember, was that scent. I suppose it wasn't a good night, nothing felt in place, something was missing, and I was going to be damned if I ignored it to please someone who didn't take much care in making me feel comfortable. Even his sheets held the heavy odor of his skin, which wasn't necessarily bad, just over powering, maybe I was just being sensitive.
"You guy's have gone out a few times, is it getting serious?" She curiously asked.
"Not really, there's something missing. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive or what, I just don't feel all that comfortable around him lately. Things are never the same when you first begin seeing someone, men change their attitude once they've convinced themselves they've caught you." I was suprised that I was being so completely honest, exactly what I thought in my mind.
"That's why I really haven't bothered with any guys for the most part. I guess I just don't have an interest in them at the moment. Which I don't think is bad, just being around who I feel comfortable with." Coming to stay with me for a while since her aunt has had her boyfriend over every night for about a month. I guess it just makes her uncomfortable, she was only there till the apartment she had put her name on would open. I wondered why I didn't offer to leave her stay here, but I suppose it is almost like an open invite. If she never left, I wouldn't ask her to leave. It would be nice to have someone to come home to.
Sasha crawling over my lap positioned herself to my level and placed her thumb and index finger on my cheek.
"Hold still." It took me a moment to realize that she was wiping away smudges of eyeliner that never washed away in the shower. I looked up at the ceiling while she wiped the makeup away. Her legs felt cool and smooth on my own, it was different from the rougher feeling of a man's body. Yet it was strangely comforting, women console and care for one another. Men ridicule and in the name of fun torment one another as their way of showing affection. But you could really call it that, all men had that slight phobia. However women are a lot different, there isn't anything strange about comforting, holding, touching, or being affectionate towards another woman. It was almost as if women were a species that seemed to get along better with one another then any one else, an unspoken comradary. Men can't seem to do any of these things with out someone making a cliche gay joke. In all honesty, it just made more sense being a woman.
"I think she's going to have him over for a while." It took me a second to realize that she was talking about her home situation.
"You know, you can stay here as long as you want. I guess it's weird enough being in another person's house and being made uncomfortable." I managed to put out while stretching with a yawn slumping against the bed. Sasha still sitting on my lap quietly nodded. Our eyes met for a moment and our mouths had nothing to say, but our eyes had endless stretches of conversations, memories, jokes, ideas, dreams, and thoughts to share.
"Tired?" I nodded solemly as she moved a stray whisp of hair away from my face. Getting up from my lap she instinctively walked out of the room and made sure the door and windows were locked. Something I should be more considerate of doing myself. But on nights like these, my mind tries to draw a blank and I seem much more introverted then anything else. The blue glow of the television made the room look surreal, high lighting the white lamp and deepening the color of the red rug underneath the neatly made bed. Crawing in to bed felt like climbing in to some sort of renergizing pod. The cool crisp feeling of the blanket brushing against my bare skin made me feel more relaxed and calm then I was moments ago. My sheets lightly scented with orchid blossoms wasn't sure if I was just tired tonight, or if having her here made me see things much differently. The bed shifted as she crawled in to bed laying on her side facing me. For a brief moment I opened my eyes to look at her, for some reason we could just look at one another for what would seem like an uncomfortable amount of time not to speak.
"You look tired, haven't been sleeping at auntie's house?" Her quiet nod was more then I needed as she closed those ocean blue eyes and quietly began to slip into well needed sleep. Pulling myself closer to her, burrying my face into the soft twists of her hair I decided to go too.
